Much like a houseplant that has not been watered in some time and has withered some, I, too, have neglected this blog to the point where it has if not died, become sickly. I have done what I always seem to do, inevitably some might say, which is to withdraw from something that I had an interest in. I did honestly have an interest in this tiny blog, with only 2 real subscribers, one of whom is my wife. I liked what I was writing about on here and felt excited about writing about the things that interested me.
But then, as I said, I just stopped doing it. I stopped doing that thing I enjoyed. I can't tell you why. I can't give you or myself, for that matter, some well reasoned and perfectly acceptable excuse for why I would stop doing something that I enjoyed. Believe me when I say that I wish I could. It would give some small understanding as to why I continue to engage in this behavior.
Some might argue that I am lazy. But that is not it. That might be part of it. But that is not the whole reason, the whole story as it were. Some might say it is the stresses and time constraints of being a parent. But that is not true in the least. Every night, around 8:30pm or so, I put my two boys to bed and I then have from that point until I decide to go to sleep (it is late most nights) to work on whatever I choose to. Most nights I end up in front of the greatest time waster of all time, my television, where I just veg until I crawl into bed.
The truth is watching television has not helped me in any real way. It has not helped me in my career, it has not helped me find happiness, and it has certainly not helped my already weak work ethic. But I continue to run to its warm embrace time and again. It is such a waste.
You see I find myself in an exciting and frankly terrifying place right now. I am unemployed. I quit my job to move with my wife to an entirely new state, new city, and new part of the country so that she could take a job in the field which she completely loves.
Now I don't regret my decision in the least. I think it was one of my better ones. However, I now find myself in the position of, for the first time in my life, having to really do some internal examination and determine what I want to do with the rest of my life. True, I could just search for a job in the field I have been in for the majority of my adult life, which is insurance. I actually have done that and have found nothing so far seems to have worked out, for various reasons. Could it be that I am done with insurance? That seems to me right now to be a distinct possibility. I have perhaps run my course with that field and that career path.
But as I wrote previously, changing fields can be very scary as well. I mean I have ideas of things I like to do (writing on this blog being one of them), but I lack any concrete idea what specific jobs I would want to do and subsequently how to get there. The funny thing is that I am great with the latter part. I think I could really put together and execute a pretty solid plan to get me where I want to be. The problem is I have no real idea where that is.
I have given serious thought to teaching. However, teachers don't make a great deal of money, unless they go on and become professors and teach at colleges. So my income would be low. I know, I know no one goes into teaching to make alot of money. But for me making more money right now is important, especially after having been so poor while my wife completed her degree. That experience has me wanting to make a great deal more money than I had before so that I can enjoy my life in ways that I could not before.
Besides the pay, there is also much more schooling involved. That presents two problems, the first being time and the other being more debt, in the form of student loans. I am unsure I should be creating more debt at a time when I have enough already.
I have also thought about a job that allows me to write. Be it as a blogger or as a really honest to god writer. But as my wife is fond of saying, if I were a writer I would do so all the time. I do not and have not in the 5 years since I graduated college. I can make more excuses here, but the truth is that I do not write. Not at all in the past year really. I think if I really wanted to go in that direction I would do more of that. But I haven't .
The point here is that I am a bit adrift at this time. In order to help me right now I am gonna lean on this blog. I am gonna write about things I love and have much interest in. It will hopefully bring me some happiness and calm my nerves a bit as well. Of course, I will continue to work on what my next steps are, what my career is going to become. I have to, if I am being honest. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than not knowing who you really are. It is a problem I have suffered from for a long time. Far too long.
So please join me again as I write. Join me as I write about things I love: movies, art, television, politics, and feel free to write something here as well if you would like. I love feedback and a good conversation.
It is time for me to get back to having fun. This blog is the start of that.
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