Tragedy in Wisconsin

When I woke yesterday morning, early of course with the kids, I went to read the news of the day (a morning ritual).  I read news from all over, East Coast, West Coast, overseas, and most importantly from back home. As many of you are aware, I lived in Wisconsin for 36 years, my whole life, before moving out west to Las Vegas in December.  Being so, I remain keenly interested to know what is going on back home whenever possible.  Yesterday morning I was stunned and saddened by what I found.



Over this past weekend in Waukesha, two young girls led their friend into the woods and then held her down and stabbed her 19 times.  The two girls who committed this horrible act of violence are pictured above. They are 12 year old Morgan Geyser and 12 year old Anissa Weier.  The name of the victim in this case is being withheld but she too was 12 years old.

All three girls were at a sleepover at a mutual friend's house on May the 30th.  The very next day, May 31st, all the girls from the sleepover went out to a nearby park to play and hang out.  That is when Geyser and Weier lured their friend to the woods and attacked her.  The victim somehow managed to make it to a road near where the attacked occurred where a bicyclist stopped and called 911.  The victim was rushed to a local hospital and is expected to survive the attack.

It has been revealed that the two girls, Geyser and Weier, had planned to attack the victim and kill her for several months prior to the actual attack.  Weier had become involved with a website called "CreepyPasta" on which there were short stories and fiction involving horror, paranormal activity, murder, and violence.  On the site, there is a mythical person referred to as Slenderman.  Weier believed she could somehow win Slenderman's approval and prove he was real by becoming a proxy of his with the act of murder.  She convinced Geyser of this and the two plotted the crime.

What upsets me the most and one of the driving reasons behind me posting this here is the ages of all involved, especially the accused.  I am struggling to understand how two 12 year old girls could plot and carry out an act as heinous as this.  I am also working to understand what role, if any, the parents played in what happened.

Whenever something like this occurs, the first thing people do is throw blame at the parents and accuse them of failing to prevent their children from committing the act they are accused of.  There is alot of accusation of neglectful parenting and/or a lack of strict punishment being handed down, or a lack of strict control being exerted on the children from the parents.  But it is rarely, if ever, that simple.

The website Weier went on often prior to incident, "CreepyPasta", was a legitimate writing site.  On the surface there is nothing really alarming about it.  Granted, the subject matter of the stories and creative works written on there is questionable, particularly for a 12 year old.  But if Weier's parents only knew of the site as a writing one and it was their daughter's interest to write stories of a paranormal nature, then it is hard to again blame the parents.

Also, you have to consider what the financial situation was for the parents of both girls.  We live in a world where more and more parents are working odd hours, working more hours, or working multiple jobs.  If the parents of these girls worked multiple jobs or odd shifts, I could see it being harder to keep tabs on everything their daughters were doing.  Even working a normal 9-5 job, it is hard enough to keep up with your kids.  Now again I don't know what their circumstances were, but I am willing to consider that when I judge them and their parenting skills.  I think more people should do that before pointing fingers at the parents right away.

As far as the girls are concerned, the answers are not easy there.  Did these girls have a history of violence?
Were they bullied in school?  Did they display odd behaviors years before this incident?

These are all questions that we simply don't have answers to.  I am certain we will have those answers as news organizations dig deep into these girls lives and pundits and "experts" weigh in on what drove these two to commit this act.  That is the nature of television news and the 24 hour news cycle, which I am sure this story will be a heavy part of for a few weeks going forward, especially back home in Wisconsin.

The question to end on here is what could have been done to prevent this from happening?  Also, as an equally important follow up to that, what can be done to stop something like this from happening again?

I think the simplest thing is for parents to work to be a part of their children's lives.  I think that involves something both parties may be reluctant to do and that is unplug from digital devices.  I have seen it again and again, while out with my own family, families seated together with everyone looking at their phone, playing their game device, or using a tablet.  While I think all these electronic devices play a useful purpose, I also think they cause us to further disconnect from one another.

I wonder if the reason Weier was looking to make a connection with the mythic Slenderman was because she was unable to do so with her own parents or siblings, if she had any.  Perhaps if her parents talked to her more or interacted together as a family more, maybe Weier would not have sought out the approval of a myth like Slenderman.  Perhaps she would have found the approval and love she was looking for from her own family.

I think being involved in your kids lives is important as a parent and is something I work hard on everyday.  I know once my boys become pre-teens, like these two girls, or teenagers they will seek out my help less. But I think as a parent you have to at least try and make sure they know you are there if and when they do need you, no matter what the circumstance.  It is a tough balance when you factor in having to provide for their financial needs, which means working.  It can become very difficult as the increasing demands of work affect your time with your family.  But again that comes back to unplugging and putting your attention on the here and now.

The media has their part to play here as well.  I think they have a responsibility to not just report the news, or to solve the riddle of the why here.  But also to educate people on how things went wrong here and what we can do as a society to stop it.  I saw recently a video of Bill O' Reilly saying on his show after the Santa Barbara mass shooting that mass murder will always be here and we need to accept it.  But do we?

Do we really have to accept when a college aged man decides to kill innocent people because he is angry at women?  Do we have to accept when two girls, age 12, plot and carry out an act to kill their friend?

We don't.  It is up to each of us to decide we are not going to allow these things to happen anymore as a society and as a country.  The media, in turn, has their own responsibility to educate and take the time to really understand why these things are happening and what can be done to stop them.  Education and awareness are two of the most important ways we can try and stop these sort of things from happening in the future.

If more parents know what warning signs to look for and if more schools are better able to identify and take action to help troubled kids, we might be able to lessen the amount of violent acts carried out by younger people. If we are then also able to increase the scope and abilities of mental health professionals and services, we may be able to also intervene and help people in need prior to them committing to a course of action that will destroy many lives, including their own.

Mental health and the way we address it in this country is backward and outdated.  I do agree with those who feel we need stricter gun regulations.  However, I also feel like we need a major overall of the mental health sector and the way we look at, as a society, people who are in need and the subsequent way we treat them.  I think if we embraced the idea that many in our society are in need of help and then commit to providing the funds and resources to help them, we may be able to lower the amount of violent acts committed in this country and have a much healthier and happier society as well.

In the end, it really all comes down to us.  As parents, as individuals, and as citizens we need to realize that we are the ones who must work to change things and to demand those in power take action as well.  We can't accept these horrific acts as normal, nor can we just become complacent and feel we have no power to change things.  We do and I think we need to start trying.  Unfortunately these two young ladies' fate is sealed.  We can't save them. They have already destroyed so many lives, including their own.  But I know we can do more to stop other young people and really people in general from going down the same horrible path.

We have to protect our children, from without and within.  I don't want to see another story like this, or one involving a school shooting, again.  I pray that we wake up as a society and demand action from ourselves and those in power to make changes that can prevent these sort of things from happening again.  We have to, it is our responsibility.